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Saturday, November 30th, 2002

Subject:Change of Address, Person no longer exists here
Time:10:49 pm.
http://www.xanga.com/xvenusian

Please visit me at my new address.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, May 29th, 2002

Subject:Which X-men
Time:10:37 pm.
Yup, that's right. You're Scott Summers aka Cyclops: Fearless leader of the X-Men. You are responsible, wise beyond your years, mature and probably the greatest stick in the mud in the history of mankind. And sure, your peers probably talk about you behind your back, but when it comes right down to it, they know they can turn on you in a crisis.

Scott Summers
I'm Scott Summers

What X-Men Character are You?


How ironic is this?!
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Subject:Sex and Emptiness
Time:9:45 pm.
Mood:empty.
God, I just watched "Life as a House" and Hayden Christensen is soooo hot. Even playing a "gay" angst punk teenager, he takes my breath away. In case you don't know, he's the guy that plays Anikin Skywalker in Star Wars Episode II. The movies just mentioned aren't half bad either. >:)

Hmm... I guess I have more important things to talk about considering i just graduated from fuckin UC Berkeley. I never realized how much I hated it here all these years. I mean, I'm always pissy when it's the rainy season and I'd have to walk 30 min to campus, or when I was stuck in Soda Hall programming during a really nice day. It was always that the System was out to get me and ever threatening to fail me. Even my last semester here, I seriously thought i'd fail a class and not be able to graduate. Imagine my parents faces if that happened. And the people here... don't even get me started. Then again, I've started myself. All the friendships i've made here are tranparent as hell. Everyone looks out for their self-interest. Maybe by dating Peter all these years at Berkeley, I've turned some people away unintentionally. But before today, I would've jumped into the fire for those people. But not anymore.

Now that I've moved on, I don't need to see those people anymore. Everyone will just go their separate ways, and few will even turn back. I won't turn back... u can count on that. I hate the mind games people play.. then again, I play it too I'm sure.

Hmm...I wonder where all this hostility came from. Imagine if all that was my (non-existent) graduation speech.

Props to Cathy and Bryan and Hai who made the long trip from LA to see me graduate. And Peter and his sis Caroline for of course making it. Jen for thinking about me. And those who bothered to congratulate me. And finally but definitely not least my family. These are the few I could probably depend on... who if i died would drop a tear or two. Others would just stand there and say something like "oh, she was a nice girl" but those who know me would be able to give a description containing more than two adjectives. I hope.


"I wish I could eat your cancer... when u turn black"
[next song... guess which one it is]
"I need some distraction, ohh, a beautiful release...
memories seep from my veins,
it may be empty, oh and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight"
[god, what memories this song brings me]

[Collective Soul - The World I know]
I walked a fine line, I stopped at the edge, to see the world below,
and i laughed at myself, while the tears rolled down,
cuz it's the world i know...

[ok, that's enough for now]
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Saturday, April 20th, 2002

Subject:Janet Jackson - Again
Time:2:54 am.
Mood: nostalgic.
I love this song. It's so memory laden. I dont' know what memories are associated with it, but it just is. She just sounds so good and innocent sorta, not all poppy like she is nowadays.

An-ne-wayz, good night world. I really should sleep now.

"Kinda late in the game and my heart is in your hands.
Don't you stand there and then tell me you love me, then leave again.
Cause I've fallen in love with you again.
Hold me, hold me.
Never let me go.
Say it just one time,
Say you love me.
God knows I do, love you, again."

BTW, "I'm Still in Love" by New Edition is a good smooshy song. Anyone watch Death to Smoochie yet? hehe...it was pretty weird and funny movie. Grrr... ok, i'm gonna go to sleep now. bleah.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Time:2:26 am.
Mood: hyper.
ugh, ugh, i'm on a sugar high at 2:30 in the morning... not good. ;) I ate a sugar donut and cafe mocha(mandatory 5 packs of sugar) at 12:30am. So much has happened the last week or so. Last week, I was stressin out cuz my cs186 projects are a complete mess, and I don't feel like dealin w/ it. I have no motivation for that class.

But I'm glad I went to the boat dance, cuz all my cs182 project and soc101 paper got extended. And I wasn't sure if i was goin to the SWE boat dance cuz i wasn't feeling pretty. But last minute i went. I got all fancied up and decided to go partly goth cuz my dress just reminded me of it. I went w/out Peter cuz he had an axio roadtrip. It was so sad... my senior year boat dance, and I didn't even slow dance to any songs. :( But I'm gonna go to the Senior Boat Dance, and the EJC Semi-formal, so hopefully he can go then. I'm glad I went. Tho it's too bad i missed the bonfire. I was looking forward to it cuz I love bonfires... well, actually I just like the beach. Such good memories. *sigh* I miss high school.

I went to eat Ethiopian food for the first time today. I didn't care for it much cuz everything had a sour taste to it and made my tummy uneasy. Peter and Sus seemed to like it fine. I can't wait till May cuz that's when I'm temporarily stopping my job, so i'll have time to party and study and basically have a life.

Well, I should go to sleep now. Tomorrow's Cal Day... but then again, who cares? I'll be in Soda programming. :P
Comments: Add Your Own.

Friday, March 29th, 2002

Time:12:14 am.
Typeical converstion (excuses included):

PMPBaller1: hey squishy
xvenusian: hi.
xvenusian: don't bother writing me
PMPBaller1: i miss you lots
xvenusian: ur just writing cuz u feel guilty
PMPBaller1: no i write because i miss you
xvenusian: no.
xvenusian: then u haven't missed me the last five days
PMPBaller1: yes i have
PMPBaller1: its just that i had to show sam and josh around
xvenusian: then u don't write me cuz u miss me
PMPBaller1: yes i do...tina remember i told you that the computer here was down for a few days|?
xvenusian: no. u didn't tell me that
PMPBaller1: yeah i did
PMPBaller1 signed off at 12:10:26 AM.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Time:12:14 am.
Mood: sleepy.



test by Leanne
which CCS character are you?

Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, March 28th, 2002

Subject:My Life is Passing like the Scenery from a train
Time:11:13 pm.
Mood: drained.
Well, I'm back home on my slow internet connection again. But i'm only home for two days before I have to ride back up to Berkeley. I'm so tired, and it doesn't seem like my semester is slowing down any. My spring break has been busy riding buses, trains, cars and anything else moving. For the SWE shadow program, I visited HP and now know I do not want a programming job. It seems way too much like programming in UCB, and I don't want to spend the rest of my life in front of a folder-less (aka directory) & unix world. If I could skip all the dumb junk and go right to managership, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I know i'd have to deal with whining people, but it seems more interesting.

As I mentioned a couple of times already, my friends came up to visit. Well, I dunno if they came to visit me, or just to pick me up cuz i asked for a ride. They came for dinner, and we were all pretty much too tired to do anything and had to rest for the long ride the next day. Sorry I was so sleepy in the car... I spent late night talking to one, and woke up early to talk to the other. :D

So, I'm gonna be in Cerritos only a couple of days. Right when I got home, i went to costco with my sis and mom. Then dinner w/ whole fam, then tonite, I spent a couple hours watching azn videos that I burned onto cd with my sis. It was nice that we got to talk. She's getting older and I have barely any idea what's going on in her life or what she's thinking about. I do know she hates barbie's which is very different to how i grew up. She talks a lot in class too, and that's like me when i was younger. Some say, I still talk a lot in class.

You know, I don't think any guy has any right to hit a girl under any circumstance. And I know someone who agrees with me. Some people need to learn that that is a rule, however unfair it may seem. Rule #2: Promises are meant to be kept.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, March 24th, 2002

Time:11:07 pm.
Mood: confused.
Here are the movies i wanna watch (list inspired by the Oscars) hehe...

I Am Sam
MOnster's Ball
A Beautiful Mind
40 Days & 40 Nights
Training Day

D came to visit me in Berkeley and rode down to LA already. The time passed by too quickly and not enough time. It was barely enough to even catch up. I need to eat fruit. I can't remember the last time i ate a vegetable. We went to Dim Sum today and that was good. Cat isn't coming up anymroe..hope you feel better. But Bry and Hai are still coming up so it'll be cool. It's not as if i could spend that much time hanging out anyways cuz I got to visit two companies this week. It's through SWE's Shadow-an-Engineer program. *sigh* I hate having to kiss up to companies. Being SWE's VP has made me wary. Romance is dead.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, March 23rd, 2002

Subject:Cartoons, Romance, and Visits
Time:8:42 am.
Mood: excited.
You might have not noticed, but it's 8:30 in the morning. I haven't been up in time for Saturday morning cartoons in a while! In my globalization class, we diverged to talk about the impact of cartoons and how the japanese style is being incorporated into the american's choice of cartoons. Some girl was saying that there are all sorts of political messages in cartoons. I dunno about that...maybe certain ones or maybe it's just like the Disney movies, the animators are so bored that they embed messages.

AnYwAys, that wasn't what i really wanted to write about. I saw this great movie with Sus. It was a Korean movie, called My Sassy Girl. It's a romantic comedy and it was soooo cute. I mean besides her beating up on the guy all the time. It was just organized so well. It was hella long but time passed by so quickly. And the ending was perfect!! hehe...not many movies hold my attention for that long. Besides The Counte of Monte Cristo though. That movie was awesome too. It had every aspect anyone would want...but i think I've talked about this movie before. If i hadn't, I'd be surprised. I still want to watch I Am Sam. and I sorta wanna watch 40 Days and 40 Nights. But i haven't had time to.

My CS partner has my phone, which is very annoying cuz I can't live without my phone. It's my only form of communication, besides AIM. Donna is supposed to be here today. Not sure if it was yesterday or today (we never finalized things for friday)... so I hope she didn't have to whore herself out last night...right, D? Heheheh...

And Cathy, Bry, and Hai are supposed to be up in a couple of days...Heheh...i'm so excited. Everyone's gonna be here. But damn the weather. Why'd it have to fuggin rain this week?
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, March 14th, 2002

Time:2:23 am.
Mood: numb.
"What's love?...
It should be about us.
It should be about trust babe."
~ Ashanti, What's Love?
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, March 13th, 2002

Time:11:02 pm.
Mood: depressed.
What's on my mind right now? I don't feel like working where I work right now. But I wouldn't have any money if i didn't. I just don't feel like feeling guilty everytime I want vacation time, or need to study. I spend half my time thinking up excuses to leave early, or not have to go in to work. My whole fridays are spent working. blah...

I just had a hard-ass midterm yesterday. The teacher is a peice of shit for giving such a test. It was ridiculous. I swear. It wasn't that I didn't know the material...he had way too many problems that involved way too much stuff. Anyway, I have another midterm next wednesday, which I have a feeling i won't be studying for till last minue either.

I miss Laura... she was so funny and I learned so much from her. Trina is also fun too, but she's just as busy as me, if not more. She works at night on certain days, today being one of them. Friends are so transient, I feel so detached from the world, from other people. I think instead of gaining people skills, I've lost it. Or maybe I've never had it. Like someone i've know for many years... i always thought we were good friends. We finally have a cs class together, but it basically turns out he has his own group of cog sci friends. I'm just on the outskirts. Turns out he was basically using me for Costco, cuz once he got his own costco card, I rarely hear from him anymore.

well, anyways, i'm just on my trip of the month.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, February 20th, 2002

Subject:Gotta take the Good with the Bad
Time:10:47 pm.
Mood: loved.
Whoa, so much stuff went on the past week that it's crazy. Valentine's Day was last wednesday (seems like such a long time ago). My sweetie Peter didn't get reservations in time for any restaurants, but he made food for me. hehe... actually, i cooked half the meal, but it's the thought that counts. Yummy salmon and potatoes and rice... as good as any 5-star restaurant.

And then I visited my bestest friend in Santa Barbara this president's day weekend. My Donners looks as good as ever and we ate all of her oranges. She's as busy as ever, but this weekend she set practically everything aside to hang out with me... i feel so special. :D Everything we did this weekend included food, movies, makeup (Mac moreso than anythinge else) and chatting. I think we watched like 5 movies on screen and on video. Heeheheh... we watched The Counte of Monte Cristo (did i rant and rave about thatmovie yet? well, that's a topic for another time.) It was mucho fun.

oh, my roomie came with me and Peter to visit SB so she could scope the place out for a friend that's considering grad school there. Laura's so cool. I got to know her a lot more this weekend. It's just awful how she has to move back to New Orleans soon cuz her job isn't working out. :( Now i need (again) to look for a roomate. Susie almost made me go see an apartment, but last minute ellen wanted to see the apartment. since the place only wants two peeps to live there, i let ellen go see it. did i mention i'm sorta mad at yohei? seems like i've been dropped for another group of friends. i was so sad last night while i was working late on my 182 paper. but i guess it's for better so i got my work done instead of wasting time with a bunch of peeps.

well, anyways, so we came back from SB, and I had my soc midterm due on Tuesday (!!) and a lab write-up due wednesday. needless to say, i barely did anything down in SB, so it's been two late-nighters for me. Today i finally got to relax. *whew* And hehe, we bought ice-cream (flavor: peanut butter brownie ice cream YIPEE). hmm... me sleepy. someone already emailed me about the studio, but i'll have to do major clean-up before i show the place. *smile* not that it's that messy.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, February 11th, 2002

Subject:Craziness :P
Time:3:08 pm.
Mood: restless.
Here's another list for ya. but this one's about me. I'm not even histrionic. Umm...am i? Heh..

Quiz taken 10/13/01
Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: High
Schizoid: High
Schizotypal: Low
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Low
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: High
Dependent: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: Low

Quiz taken today 2/11/02
Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: Moderate
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Low
Antisocial: Moderate
Borderline: Low
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: High
Dependent: Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive: Low


URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/disorder_information2.html
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, February 7th, 2002

Subject:Computer Built Success!
Time:11:47 pm.
Mood: accomplished.
Mi computadora trabaja finalmente. for those non-spanish speakers, that means my puter finally works (or at least i think so). hehehe... don't ask where that came from. anyways, windows and office xp is installed and it looks really nice. it's still having some problems, but Bry says it's prolly cuz ihave to update my graphics driver.

Specs of newly completed *working* puter system:
AMD XP 1600+
Western Digital 60 GB Hard Drive
Acer 20x10x4 cd burner
256 mB DDR
Abit mainboard
GeForce2 mx400
IBM 15" LCD
Sound Blaster Live
DVD-rom
Iomega Zip drive
funky foldable keyboard

my roomate's asleep so i don't want to install everything else and be noisy. blah, blah. i'm pretty sleepy myself. my schedule hecka keeps me busy. yesterday was the first meeting of the semester for society of women engineers. dude, that was tiring running around getting everything set and stuff. ahh, tired of typing in this thing. g'nite. *^_^*
Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, January 27th, 2002

Subject:Are Friday's Good?
Time:9:31 pm.
Mood: lethargic.
hihi.. it's sunday, and tomorrow's another school day. Last week was chaos for me since it was the first week of school. There was classes to go to, and classes accidentally missed. I had to start worrying about SWE again, and also Peter's AXiO events were starting up again too.

SWE had our SWE retreat and it was pretty fun-packed. We started out with our meeting to plan stuff. :P Then we headed into SF to do a scavenger hunt. It was to make a collage of what SWE meant to us. Then a good dinner at Jillians. Then our waiter, Joshua, hooked us up with free clubbing later that night. Ellen, Michelle, Jenn and I wasted some time by looking for a dessert place. We ended up at Westin St. Francis with hella good dessert. I had a mutated tiramisu inside a waffle cone, and Michelle had GOOD chocolate cake-thingy. Sounds weird, eh? hehe...

During dancing, Mark, Karl, Ryan and a bunch of other guys showed up too. Susie joined us later. The music still sux at Jillians but it's the company that counts.

This week Susie, Jaime, Ellen & I made wontons and it was a lot of fun. The soup we ended up making was soooo good. And Ellen fryed em potsticker style and those were good too. Mmmm-mmm!

I'm in a much better mood today cuz I have a cs186 partner now. It's some random girl i met in lab. Not sure how good she is, but i figured this class is pretty easy stuff. *knock on wood* I don't know why friday's depress me sometimes. I guess it's an accumulation of the week's stress, and I feel pressured to go out and do something for the weekend, but nothing comes together it seems. And then, I hate Sundays too. I probably can find something wrong with every day of the week. hehehe...

till next time...
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, January 9th, 2002

Subject:Boys suck.
Time:11:17 pm.
Mood: gloomy.
Today's been kinda bleak for me. Someone from work was "let go" today and it's just a reminder that my job search is staring right in the face with an emptyness that's pretty dark and deep. I don't even think he knew it was coming... well, perhaps he did cuz our boss has been crackin down on him.

I didn't feel like being home today, so I rented DVDs and watched em in the SWE office. I guess that's practically the same deal, but I guess I could just react whatever way I felt like reacting, and without worrying whether I'm bothering my roomie or not.

Did I MENTION that Peter is moving in with a girl?? I don't care that it's Charles friend. Really, I don't give a damn who she is. It's the principal of the thing. It's goddam awful. I dunno what it's gonna be like next semester. I used to stay at Peter's place all the time. But now, I dunno. We got into horrible fights earlier, but I don't feel like dealing with it anymore. Sometimes I feel like I'm with Peter out of convenience. Actually, being with him just pisses me off half the time. If it's not this thing, then it's that thing. Errgh. Just thinking about the whole deal makes me mad. Not that he cares anyways... he didn't even try to find another place. That's prolly what annoys me so much... that he doesn't take matters into his own hands. He lets his fraternity brothers decide for him, or act on his behalf, or peer pressure him into something!!

Anyways.

That's what shane's for. Just a pretty face who won't ever have the chance to break my heart.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, January 7th, 2002

Time:9:05 pm.
Mood: annoyed.
hmm... life is so boring without Peter. He went down to LA while I stayed in Berkeley for work and studying. If it weren't for his sister, I wouldn't have offered to work this week. Bleah, stupid work gave me a guilt trip about taking such a long break. But now that I think about it, this may be my last "winter break".

Guys... can't live without them, can't live with em. When he's around we go places (sometimes) and do stuff (sometimes), but we also get into retarded fights and he gets annoying. *sigh* I miss him. don't know what's so bloody interesting down in LA that's not here. :(
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, December 19th, 2001

Subject:Food, food, AAAaaahhh... too much food.
Time:11:18 pm.
Mood: pleased.
yergh, too full. ever since final's finished, i've been going out to eat to celebrate with different people. I went all the way to visit Donna who was kickin it in San Jose for one day. Mmm... i finally ate Boston Market. It's sorta different from what i expected. i hadn't thought it'd be fast food style with the packaged food and trays and stuff. Our visit was really rushed, but i guess i'll see her this winter break anyways.

Cathy and Hai came up to visit starting Sunday till Wednesday. We went to the Great Mall and Pier 39, and went to have boba and everything. I ordered a mocha almond fudge milkshake and i broke out in an allergic reaction. eww, i was itching all over for two days. :) cathy's still the great overachiever she is. heheh... hai is a lot more outgoing nowadays. not sure if he always was, but i just noticed it more i guess. heheh, feel so old. us two couples have both been going out for almost two years. really long time.

yah, i've been with peter for a long time. nowadays, i just put up with his shananagans (how the heyl do u spell that word?). he's really annoying sometimes. his mom called him the other day, and wanted to talk to me. she asked me how peter was treating me. and i couldn't say in a straight face that he's treating me the greatest. sometimes he hits me. it doesn't hurt that much... but it's just the thought that he's just playin around when he does, what's it like if he's angry. well, i dunno.

hmm..well, back to the subject of food. Peter's sis, caroline just arrived today from chicago area. today, peter finally cooked the steaks that i had marinated two days ago. it was really good! and tomorrow we're going to china town to eat dim sum. i'm gonna be returning home as a rolypoly. :D

For lunch today, i met up with Jasmine, Sirena, and Szu-Huey, my fish crew and the greatest cs group in the world. i'm gonna miss those late night gossips and early saturday morning bagels. And the stressful deadlines, yet fun cs184 lab rooms. Of course Nate, Derrill, Kayvan and so many other peeps contributed to the crazy semester. This semester went by quickly (thank god!) because of these great memories. derrill's graduated this semester, but he's still doing research in berkeley. but yeah, lotsa these peeps we won't being seeing as much anymore. so sad.

Tonight i ate dinner with susie, jaime, and gina. we meant to watch videos, but we ended watching a boyband video of Westlife, some really huge band from Ireland. I realized that Shane is hella cute. mmm...talk about tasty. haahaha..j/k.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, December 16th, 2001

Subject:Whew! Finals are done.
Time:10:33 pm.
Mood: accomplished.
i finished friday. i had an 8 o'clock for soc101 (hard-ass class) AND a 12 o'clock final for cs184(another hard-... u get the point). i was so tired that i rented movies and just vegetated in front of the tv that night. yesterday i went for michelle's bday and ate. and today i movie hopped all day. fun! i know i lost a million brain cells just this weekend. hehehe...

i watched Angel Eyes, Josie and the Pussycats, Vanilla Sky, Ocean's 11, and Not Another Teen Movie. hahaha...the 2nd and the 4th were pretty lame. Angel Eyes was unexpectedly humorous...i really liked that movie in a strange way. Vanilla Sky was pretty weird, sorta good. And ocean's 11 was good and very well planned. there's my movie review for the week. :)
Comments: Add Your Own.

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